Curse of the Flamingos

I’ve learned a couple of things while I was here in Iraq. One of which—Flamingos are pure evil. Just ask any trailer park resident in “Tornado Alley”. The other thing I learned was that wives are often more right than I ever realized.

Last fall, my wife gave me a pair of pink flamingos to decorate my trailer. On the day they arrived, I spoke with Braye on the phone and told her that I was going to put one in front of my trailer that night when I got “home” from work. She relied “OK, but are you sure someone won’t use it as an aiming point?” At the time I thought “Well… someone has been watching the History Channel without me” and told her something along the lines: “I’m in Iraq, what could possible go wrong?”

Well a few hours after the Flamingo went into the ground, a rocket landed about 30 feet from my trailer. No big deal really since it was just a baby rocket. I was just glad that rocket missed my cable. At the time I didn’t suspect the flamingo of any wrongdoing.

A few days later, the flamingo was stolen. I was very upset (I had no idea that I was for my own good). Luckily, I had a spare flamingo (doesn’t everybody?) I proudly put that one on top of the concrete barriers surrounding my trailer. More visible than on the ground. Pleased with my rebellious display of individuality, I went to bed. Just before I entered REM sleep, a bullet hit my trailer! Had they only waited 10 minutes, I would have slept though the whole thing.
“Himm?” I thought “no way could the appearance of a flamingo have something to do with my sleep being interrupted?” I quickly put the thought aside. Things from then on stayed relatively quiet, but of course that flamingo was also stolen the next day.

Several quite weeks went by and one of my guys found my flamingos! Once again, I displayed my free spirit side and I put them on top of my extra tall concreted barriers (for some reason, the group of trailers that I’m in was the first to get the extra tall barriers). Sure enough, a little while later, a big ole’ rocket landed just across the street. Definitely not a baby that time!

The third time was the charm and both flamingos went into my closet. Things have been quiet ever since. Since I’m leaving soon, I decided to put the flamingos someplace where they can do no harm…. Both found new homes near my office—one on the island and the other on an old fountain. I pity to poor guy that decides to swim out there and steal one—he won’t have any idea what he is getting into.